Slave

[meoryn]

Title: The Slave
Challenge/Prompt: Symbol
Original Fiction or Fanfiction: Original Fiction
Characters/Pairings: Jacob
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: My own work.
Summary: The pattern tells the tale.

Author's Notes: I took the word literally in this case but there's also a subtle meaning with the chain. 100 words is a lot tougher than I expected!

“Can you read it?” the man’s long fingers traced the pattern on the hard ground. Jacob knew the mark. As a young boy, he had watched his best friend branded with the same mark on the back of his hand. He could still smell the taint of burned flesh on the air and hear Aaron’s strangled cry.

He shook his head. The man studied him for a moment longer than he liked. With a grunt Jacob took for assent, the man rose and continued west, the long chain tied to his neck urged him forwards, a reminder of his slavery.

Comments

[thewickedquill]

Oh, nicely done!

It really is hard to say what you want when restricted to a certain number of words, particularly when that number is less rather than more. You did a wonderful job, though. Not only did I feel for your Jacob, but also for the friend of old, Aaron, and both boys' suffering. That's powerful considering I had less than 100 words to 'get to know them'.

[iamfiction]

Powerful. Not many people use smell in their writing. It adds another layer of depth.

Great work. Is this just a standalone drabble or part of something more?

[sterling]

A good piece of Jacob's personality - he's capable of keeping secrets (to protect a friend, or perhaps something much more elaborate). Nicely done.

[ieune]

A lot of clear imagery here and now I'm curious as to whether Aaron has left the mark as a signal to Jacob.

[cerulean_waves]

I really enjoyed this. It was very powerful for just 100 words (which I agree is quite a challenge!). The use of the sense of smell definitely made this piece stronger. To me, smell is the strongest sense to write about, since it is so closely tied to memory.


Great job.