Oo--lots of tension in this piece, and you heighten it with your last line; a great play on opposites, scream and silence. You really captured her brother's sense of helplessness--he wants to help her but she'sfrozen within herself. You pack a lot of emotion into 100 words; Hippothoe's anger, sadness and loss (or so I read from her almost catatonic state) I especially like the line, 'even the sevants have caught her sadness...' It sounds so right for the period!
I found I interpreted this line: and the angry scratches she made, from throat to breast differently after reading your A/N. On first reading I thought another woman had scratched her, a woman known to her brother, the ex's mistress/ newest amour, was my first thought. Perhaps that says more about the way I italicise certain words in my own writing that what you intended to convery (his shock at her harming herself) but I felt the insight might interest you. : )
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Date: 2009-05-22 08:52 am (UTC)I found I interpreted this line: and the angry scratches she made, from throat to breast differently after reading your A/N. On first reading I thought another woman had scratched her, a woman known to her brother, the ex's mistress/ newest amour, was my first thought. Perhaps that says more about the way I italicise certain words in my own writing that what you intended to convery (his shock at her harming herself) but I felt the insight might interest you. : )