Slave

[meoryn]

Title: The Slave
Challenge/Prompt: Symbol
Original Fiction or Fanfiction: Original Fiction
Characters/Pairings: Jacob
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: My own work.
Summary: The pattern tells the tale.

Author's Notes: I took the word literally in this case but there's also a subtle meaning with the chain. 100 words is a lot tougher than I expected!

“Can you read it?” the man’s long fingers traced the pattern on the hard ground. Jacob knew the mark. As a young boy, he had watched his best friend branded with the same mark on the back of his hand. He could still smell the taint of burned flesh on the air and hear Aaron’s strangled cry.

He shook his head. The man studied him for a moment longer than he liked. With a grunt Jacob took for assent, the man rose and continued west, the long chain tied to his neck urged him forwards, a reminder of his slavery.

Comments

[thewickedquill]

Oh, nicely done!

It really is hard to say what you want when restricted to a certain number of words, particularly when that number is less rather than more. You did a wonderful job, though. Not only did I feel for your Jacob, but also for the friend of old, Aaron, and both boys' suffering. That's powerful considering I had less than 100 words to 'get to know them'.

[meoryn]

Thank you for reading.

100 words - I thought - piece of cake. Wrong. I had to cut back on quite a few words. By the time I had written it all out, the total was 150 and I had to cut back to 100 so it was a matter of shifting things around a bit. I do like the restriction though because it forces me to a wordcount limit and that's a big challenge for me. My drabbles usually end up being 250 words most of the time!

[thewickedquill]

I know exactly what you mean.

I am also pretty new to drabble. I think I can count the number I've written on one hand, maybe a couple extra fingers at a stretch.

The thing I like about drabbles (and the restriction of 100 words) is that not only do I have to, as you said, shift things around and cut some things out, but it also forces me to search for and find a better choice of words or phrases/sentences that will deliver a better impact. It helps me, in my opinion, to grow if even in a small way. Every time :)

This kind of challenge is a wonderful way to push a person to rethink their delivery of a point, scene or thought.

Again, well done :)

[meoryn]

I haven't written a lot of drabble pieces either but I got into it a few months ago when I came across some writing prompt communities and decided to play around with them when the muse decided to go take a long vacation.

I feel the exact same way as you. I used to write a lot of flash fiction that I submitted to an e-zine which had a word limit of 500 words or less. That was a great experience and taught me a lot about starting and ending a story within a limited timeframe. It certainly helped me to downsize my cast and plot to a smaller scale.

Thank you. I loved your piece as I said on your post and will look forward to seeing what else you come up with.

Hope you don't mind I subscribed to your journal.

[thewickedquill]

* is confused* I don't understand my email client. As you can tell (from my other replies) I've gotten your messages. But this one came to my spam folder. Go figure.

Sorry it took this long to respond!

Thank you again - your writing is lovely, too, and I do look forward to reading more!

And absolutely no objections to the subscription. Hope you don't mind that I reciprocated - with genuine interest :)

I've just been so very excited about things since I got to DW. The people I've had the pleasure of dealing with have just made the experience so positive that I'm on a high. I hope it lasts!

[iamfiction]

Powerful. Not many people use smell in their writing. It adds another layer of depth.

Great work. Is this just a standalone drabble or part of something more?

[meoryn]

Thank you for reading!

To be honest, it was inspired by a short story I wrote earlier in the year that was a mix-genre (urban-fantasy, sci-fi, western, fantasy) but more dealing with a different character to the one featured in the short story. It definately started out as a drabble but I've been thinking it might be more.

[sterling]

A good piece of Jacob's personality - he's capable of keeping secrets (to protect a friend, or perhaps something much more elaborate). Nicely done.

[meoryn]

Thank you for reading.

And thanks for coming up with such a great community.

[ieune]

A lot of clear imagery here and now I'm curious as to whether Aaron has left the mark as a signal to Jacob.

[meoryn]

Thank you for reading. It certainly does look that way doesn't it :-)

[cerulean_waves]

I really enjoyed this. It was very powerful for just 100 words (which I agree is quite a challenge!). The use of the sense of smell definitely made this piece stronger. To me, smell is the strongest sense to write about, since it is so closely tied to memory.


Great job.

[meoryn]

Thanks for reading. 100 words definately kills me.