It Only Takes One

[deep_in_water]

Title: It Only Takes One
Challenge/Prompt:#70 - Thread
Original Fiction
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: None, I own all of this.
Summary: A fate weaver performing an important service.
Author's Notes: First time writing in years, so crit is appreciated.

It was so small, yet so precious.

The woman looked over the golden thread as she held it up from the weave. It appeared almost pained from the way she was tugging at it. Persistently. Mercilessly. She lifted the scissors up once she had enough of a space between the thread and the tapestry to slip the tip through, and paused.

From across the room, her client coughed. A frown twitched across her face momentarily, and she cut the thread. It was more resistant than she'd expected, but the fibers parted easily enough.

"There, have fun with your new fate."

Comments

[msmcknittington]

This is really promising! I'm glad you posted it. :) I really like the concept of a weaver being able to sell "fate" to someone/alter fate for a price.

One thing that I think might improve it is looking at what you want to be the focus of the scene through the way/order the information is presented in the sentences. In the opening sentence, the focus is on the thread, then in the next sentence it jumps to the woman, then back to the thread, then back to the woman, then to the client, then to the woman, then to the thread, then to an anonymous speaker (I assume it's the woman). Since it's such a small space, I think it would be beneficial to keep the focus on either the thread or the woman. (This is one of the greatest weaknesses in my own writing, btw.)

You can do that by making sure that the character you want to focus on is the first image presented in a sentence. Like in the first sentence of the second paragraph, if the focus of the scene is on the thread, then the thread should be the active participant in the sentence, not the woman.

You might also want to think about economy and preciseness of language, and through that add greater characterization and personification to the thread. For example, "seemed almost pained" is much weaker and more passive than something like "The thread clung to the warp, resisting her tugs against it." Make the thread more active. It's the tangible aspect of fate! Give it agency!

[sterling]

This is great crit. Thanks so much for taking the time to post this for deep_in_water. I love to see this sort of thing here. ^_^

[msmcknittington]

You're welcome!

[deep_in_water]

This is really, really great crit. Thank you so much! I'll try my best to apply this to my future drabbles.