Prompt #5, Blue : Drift

[dokkaebi]

Title: Drift
Challenge/Prompt: #5, Blue
Original Fiction or Fanfiction: Original fic
Characters/Pairings: just a coupla folks
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: Crit welcome. Be as harsh as ye like.


The water is still as glass, stretching on forever. The sun beats down on the back of my neck; I swallow a grumble. I don't hear you complaining, and I have my pride. I tie off the last knot, my eyes stinging with salt water. Must've caught a splash. I stare at the empty sky, blinking hard. I work up some spit just to swallow it.

"I'm burning to a crisp, and you're going for a swim. Call that responsible?"

I watch your blue-tinged lips, but no response comes. I swallow again, clutching canvas, then give you to the sea.

Comments

[rontgenkatze]

I really like the imagery of this piece. I could smell the sea on the breeze. I think what I liked the most is the mystery.
Obviously, he's dead... but she's burying him at sea, not his ashes, but his body. Is she a murderer? Is she complying with his last wishes, to be cast upon the waters?

Excellent work in only one hundred words, my friend.

[dokkaebi]

Thank you! I'm somewhat in love with the sea, and I guess it showed. ^^;

On Being Harsh...

[redolent]

It's fairly obvious that my submissions can only improve over time. Unfortunately, you started at the top. You must be terribly lonely.

Re: On Being Harsh...

[dokkaebi]

lol! I'm flattered, but there's always room for improvement! I'm still trying to get the hang of this 100-word thing, and I'd like to think that this 'un's better already than the first one I posted. I can only hope the trend continues. :D

[lilimist]

I very much enjoyed this, it really showcases the powerful potential of drabbles, and I particularly liked the end. Funny how someone else said "she"... I got a "he" just from the use of the first-person voice, and probably the fact that I read/write too much slash :P

But yeah, excellent stuff. :D

[dokkaebi]

Danke, danke! I like seeing how folks perceive my first/second-person characters, so's I can get a bead on how "gendered" I write. :)