Stolen

[iamfiction]

Title: Stolen
Challenge/Prompt: Yesterday
Original Fiction or Fanfiction: Original Fiction
Characters/Pairings: Amelia
Rating: G
Warnings: Nada.
Disclaimer: My stuff.
Summary: Amelia's adventure begins.

Author's Notes: A little more of Amelia's story... and the beginning of her adventure to reclaim her childhood.

Amelia was face-down in the trunk of a car. It smelled of grease and motor oil and the muffler was very loud. She couldn't see anything, but the sounds alone told her it was an older car. Something nondescript, just like everybody else's.

There were many cars like that in the city.

Amelia twisted, turned right and then left. The women had bound her tight. She could feel the twine cutting into her wrists when she moved.

Simon was nowhere to be found that morning.

Things would have been different if she hadn't been late yesterday. She was sure.

Comments

[zopyrus]

I love your strong sensory details--the smell and the sounds of the car, the feel of the twine on Amelia's wrists. (This is something I am personally bad at remembering to describe, or imagine, so my hat is off!)

Your sentence about Simon is a little confusing--from the context, I think it must be something Amelia is thinking, but it sounds more remote, like general narration. Was Amelia the person who couldn't find him?

[iamfiction]

Yep it's Amelia that cannot find Simon. I tend to write in 3rd person limited, which is what this is meant to be.

I used to be pretty bad with sensory details as well, but by reading others who do it wonderfully, I've learned a lot. :)

[ieune]

Intriguing! You certainly ground us in time and location with the details of her experience. Referring to the car as 'just like everyone else's' and that she knows there are many other's just like it is a clever way to hint that she doesn't anticpiate being found quickly, if at all. The last line is a good bridge to lead into why she was late yesterday if this had been a longer piece, and yet, in this, it leaves me wondering why she was late. Nice one! : )